I want you to fuck me
so hard it hurts
so hard I never forget
bite me
scratch me
leave your mark
so everyone knows I’m yours
Hold me down
tie me up
make me scream
make me bleed
make me cum
Bruise me
beat me
pull my hair
push yourself inside me
Don’t be here when I wake up
I was left to fall apart
by the one person that could keep me together
at the time when I needed you most
in the depths of my downward spiral
Memories are to be cherished
no matter how painful
those memories that make your heart want to burst
once meant the world
hold on to them
but don’t let them control you
Sometimes it’s a struggle
to get out of bed
leave the house
interact with people
friends and family
to keep up the façade of of sanity and normality
to enjoy the things that make you happiest
Sometimes it’s a struggle to make it through the day
but struggles are there to be endured
It’s difficult
unbearable
to share
blood and a name
yet feel no real connection
no significant attachment
People spend too much time talking about what they don’t like
and not enough time talking about what they do like
I, myself, like pizza
I like pandas and Sunday mornings
I like a well put together DVD boxset
a neatly made bed
a bed that’s messy for the right reasons
I like my bed
I like walking through Camden
walking and watching
the people seem like they have stories
I like stories
I like lemon cake
I like eating and not feeling guilty
I like Dorothy Parker
Sylvia Plath
and Edgar Allan Poe
I like talking to people that like
Dorothy Parker
Sylvia Plath
and Edgar Allan Poe
I like talking about things I like
it’s enjoyable
Zig zags of bright red
illuminating my body
dripping
fresh white tissue stained with patterns
pictures if you look close enough
like an inkblot test
Your hand grabs my crotch
rubbing me
I moan
moan
groan
moan your name into your neck
two syllables have never
sounded so good
An aching
longing
yearning
fills me
as I take control
I tried to convince myself
that I was missed
as much as I missed
or even a fraction of that
Surely you can’t miss somebody so much
so much it hurts
as if your heart were falling
endlessly through your body
and they not feel a thing
I tried to convince myself
My body
it’s made up of blood and flesh
blood and flesh in the shape of a boy
a crooked smile and scars
and a waistline that controls my happiness
though I try not to let it
Blue eyes outlined by black circles
years of late nights and early mornings
fewer early mornings than perhaps were needed
Eyebrows
my eyebrows
I’ve never liked you
Damaged hair atop a damaged mind
damaged by ups and downs
and spirals
damaged by changes
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